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Post by GooeyToast on May 24, 2005 17:50:56 GMT -5
Okay, here we go (note, these are offensive and unsuit for sensitive people. You've been warned!!!)
* Your mom is like a shotgun: 2 cocks and she blows!
*Paris Hilton is like Kansas: White, flat, and easy to enter.
*Hey nice legs! What time do they open?
*What did the black man say to the white man? "Yes master."
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Cless
White Rice
Cless is more
Posts: 26
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Post by Cless on May 24, 2005 18:09:24 GMT -5
;D I apoligise in advance, DON'T READ IF YOU'RE EASILY OFFENDED!!!
Q. What have a KFC and a women got in common? A. Once you finished with the legs and breasts you are just left with a greasy box to stick your bone in.
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Post by GooeyToast on May 24, 2005 18:20:14 GMT -5
That was a good one! *falls over laughing*
Okay, I've got a bunch of funny names I've made up. Listen to this:
Jablome Haywood Jenna Teelia Fay Scholl Oliver Clothesoff Min Stration Phil Hardenstiff Polly Wagger Rod Rammer Shay Valover Kammie Toe Drew P. Juggz Mary Juana Willie Stroker Terra Manuwon Clit Hardwood
This is just a small peice of my brilliance. ;D
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Post by Sephiroth7 on Jun 17, 2005 21:07:46 GMT -5
Ok got one.
Your moms like a vacuum. She sucks,she blows, and then you put her in the closet.
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Post by GooeyToast on Jun 17, 2005 21:11:03 GMT -5
Marriage is like a tornado:
At first, there's a lot of suckin' & blowin'. But then, before you know it, your house is gone.
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Post by Sephiroth7 on Jun 17, 2005 21:13:04 GMT -5
THAT KICKED ASS!
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Post by GooeyToast on Jun 17, 2005 21:15:02 GMT -5
COOL!!!
Usually jokes aren't my strong-suit, lol
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Purplemoo
Pork Chow Mein
http://www.purplemoo.com/
Posts: 160
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Post by Purplemoo on Jun 21, 2005 19:20:13 GMT -5
An Army guy and a Navy guy found themselves in a public restroom. As the Army guy was walking out, the Navy guy said, while washing his hands,
"In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands before leaving the restroom." Then the Army guy replied,
"Well, in the Army, they teach us not to pee on our hands!"
In a village in South America there was a young man who was what some people call a Cassanova, good with the ladies. He had all kinds of ladies. He liked them all, fat ones, short ones, skinny ones, didn't matter. The trouble was that he had a true love, a virgin that he was saving for his marriage. This innocent virgin, her name was Mary, did not know anything about sex. Of course our Tiger of the Village wanted to keep things that way. Well finally they were married and on the wedding night Mary was very impressed with sex. She told her new husband that she did not know a man was built that way. What a wonderful thing men had to please women. Our Tiger did not want to her to think that all men were the same, so he told her, "I tell you something, Honey, I am the only man in the world with such a thing." She believed him.
The "Tiger" of the village was a sheep herder and had to go to the hills for weeks at a time. He had been gone for a couple of weeks when he came back and began to look for his new bride. When he got to their hut she wasn't there. He then went down through the village looking for her. "Mary, Mary, where are you?" Finally he meets up with her on the street. Mary appears to be very angry and frustrated. "You son-a-bitch, bastard, cabron, desgrasiado, no good for nothing" and begins to hit and fight with him. "Hey whoa, what's the matter baby, what did I do? I didn't do nothing why you mad at me?" our tiger asks.
Mary says, "Yeah, you asshole, you know Sancho, the lazy one from across the street? Well he has one also" and she points to his genitals. Our hero thinks about it, she must have seen this guy taking a leak, shit I can fix this. "Hey Honey, I tell you one something, you know what? Sancho he is my best friend, I used to have two of them and since Sancho is my friend, I give him one," he is all smiles and goes over to hug Mary.
Mary is now angrier and begins to clobber the shit out of him. "You dumb ass, pendejo, stupido, ignorante," she yells at him, "YOU GAVE HIM THE BEST ONE."
This next one's funnier:
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
Dublin City University
(heard it, chuckle)
From the people who brought you "Buckets of Blood 3" yes, it's the:
N. I. H. E. Dublin, Ireland B.A. in COMMUNICATION STUDIES
Final year exam 1989
Time: 9 am till opening time.
Candidates must not write on more than two sides of the exam paper.
Marks will be deducted for bad spelling and writing which is difficult to read.
1. What language is spoken by French Canadians?
2. Give important characteristics of ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions or give the first names of the Osmonds.
3. What religion is the Pope? [Jewish, Catholic, Hindu, Anglican (ONE only)].
4. Who won the Second World War? Who came second?
5. What is a silver dollar made of? Gold, Silver, polyvinylchloride (ONE only).
6. Explain Le Chatelier's principal of dynamic equilibrium force or spell your name in BLOCK capitals.
7. Approximately how many commandments were give to Moses?
8. There were six kings of Britain called George, the last one being called George VI. Name the other five.
9. Who invented Stevenson's rocket?
10. Write down the numbers 1 to 10. (Marks will be deducted for every number out of sequence.)
11. Dublin is the capital of which north-western European country?
12. Name the odd man out--Cardinal Heenan, The Pope, Archbishop of Canterbury, Jack the Ripper.
13. Who was the winning jockey in the All Ireland Greyhound Derby 1971?
14. Who built the Great Pyramid?--Rameses II, W.B. Yeats, Wimpey, Amey Roadstone Corporation? (ONE only).
15. In the 1973 Sheepdog trials, how many were found guilty?
16. At what time is News at Ten?--9 pm., 6 pm., Don't know.
17. Would you ask William Shakespeare to--Build a bridge, Sail the ocean, Lead the army or WRITE A PLAY?
18. What holiday falls on January 1st?--Christmas, New Year, August Bank holiday, St. Patrick's Day?
19. Is a dunker a :
(a) person who dips biscuits in his/her tea? (b) contraceptive? (c) lorry for motorway construction? (d) black person about seven foot tall and good at basketball?
20. Do you understand Newton's law of gravity? Answer YES or NO
21 Arrange the following words into a logical statement: BRAINS HAVE NO C.S.'S.
22 What is 69 and 69 ( one answer only )
(i) 101. (ii) ten times your I.Q. (iii) An NIHE party (iv) All of the above five
23 Write a prose composition on each of the following:
(i) The wide-ranging knowledge of C.S. students on computers (Maximum of two letters. Hint WS) (ii) [From your employment possibilities] The role of fast food franchises in the modern urban environment
(iii) My favourite Lecture (you may not refer to the other two in your answer)
(iv) What the restaurant looks like
24 Approximately how many questions are on this paper (Answer to the nearest 100 if you can count that far.)
A woman with huge breasts was out for a walk when she was jumped by a man holding a gun. When he motioned for her to take off her blouse, she warned him he'd regret it, but he insisted. Next he made her take her bra off, and when a giant set of tits popped into view he began to get incredibly excited. "Take your skirt off," he demanded, ignoring her warnings that he leave off. So, off came the skirt, and then the panties, revealing an equally huge pussy, green and slimy and swarming with bugs. Shocked and repelled, he stepped back and dropped the gun to the ground. Grabbing the gun, the woman pointed it at him, smiled broadly, and commanded, "Eat Me."
This one came from the L.A. Reader via a circuitous route (saw it quoted in New Scientist):
U.C. Davis graduate student Anne Perkins on her study of sexuality in sheep:
"It is very difficult to look at the possibility of lesbian sheep because if you are a female sheep, what you do to solicit sex is to stand still. Maybe there is a female sheep out there really wanting another female, but there's just no way for us to know it."
"I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone around for company."
"Okay," replied God. "I'm going to give you the perfect woman. Beautiful, intelligent and gracious--she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word."
"Sounds good," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
"That's pretty steep, " countered Adam. "What can I get for just a rib?"
I would also like to state that women are idiots...
Except Feena. She's smarter than me.
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Post by GooeyToast on Jun 22, 2005 16:06:09 GMT -5
A lot of those jokes were dumb.
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Purplemoo
Pork Chow Mein
http://www.purplemoo.com/
Posts: 160
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Post by Purplemoo on Jun 22, 2005 17:57:56 GMT -5
I know.
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Post by GooeyToast on Jun 22, 2005 19:51:13 GMT -5
Lol.
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Purplemoo
Pork Chow Mein
http://www.purplemoo.com/
Posts: 160
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Post by Purplemoo on Jun 26, 2005 23:51:23 GMT -5
Monkey in the house!
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Post by GooeyToast on Jul 15, 2005 18:42:27 GMT -5
Anyone got new jokes?
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Post by Sephiroth7 on Jul 15, 2005 18:49:48 GMT -5
i hate MUNDAYS!!!!!!!!!
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Post by GooeyToast on Jul 16, 2005 19:36:12 GMT -5
Me too!!!!!!!!!!!
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